Tears in heaven
by Queengoddess
Summary: Well, what does it sounds like? A songfic dealing with Vader’s feelings after Amidala’s death. Old fic.


Author's note: This is my first songfic, and it's not really my thing to write this kind, so be nice and please review. 

Disclaimer: The characters belong to George Lucas, the song to Eric Clapton.

Tears in Heaven

Vader had just returned from a successful mission, where both Ki-Adi Mundi and Mace Windu were killed. But during the battle another life was lost. That of his wife, Amidala Skywalker. Vader hadn't known she was on the planet, not until he felt her being wounded through the Force. He tried to reach her, but he was too late and Amidala was already dead when he arrived. When he set his eyes upon the dead body it was the first time he saw her since his final turning to the dark side. Without knowing why he took the necklace he carved for her many years ago. 

Vader left the world, without looking back, without acknowledging the grief that filled him. 

Now he stands in his chambers, looking out over the worldwide city. He has not told the Emperor about Amidala's death. Against his own will he picks up the necklace laying on the table and feels the memories return.__

Anakin emerges from the ship. In the other end of the hangar he spots Amidala. He waves and she runs to him, laughing. "Anakin!"

"Would you know my name

if I saw you in heaven?"

Together they head for the garden, arms in arms.

"Would it be the same

if I saw you in heaven?"

Vader shook his head. This was ridiculous. But the sudden and unwelcome pain filled him. He tried to wave it away.__

"I must be strong, and carry on

Because I know I don't belong here in heaven."_ _

In the garden they stops to look out over the city. The waterfall is still as beautiful as he remembers it. 

"What you're thinking?" she asks. "More interested in waterfalls than in me?"

He shakes his head. Instead of answering he takes her hand to his mouth and kisses each of her fingers.

"Would you hold my hand

if I saw you in heaven?"

They run down the avenue. Suddenly, looking at her instead of the ground, Anakin slips. But before he can fall, Amidala reaches out and catches him.

"Would you help me stand

if I saw you in heaven?"

Frustrated Vader turned and left the room. Sweeping past all the guards he emerged from his castle. The night was soon to come and crimson coloured clouds covered the sky. 

"I'll find my way, through night and day

Because I know, I just can't stay here in heaven."

Anakin wanders forth and back in the chamber. He has been waiting for her in more than two hours. Why is she late? Has she forgotten? Has anything happened? What if? The dread the filled him while every minute passed by. The joy and relief when she finally showed up.

"Time can bring you down

time can bend your knees."

Vader remembered the last three years. He searched for her desperately, looking for her everywhere he went. But he never found her. Not until it was too late

"Time can break your heart

have you begging please, begging please."

He remembered the haunted look on her face, where wrinkles already had started to showwas he the cause of them? He didn't wanna know. But still she was as beautiful as ever. Her face was saddened even in death, but he hoped, against his own will, that wherever she was, she'll feel no pain.

"Beyond the door, there's peace I'm sure

and I know there'll be no more tears in heaven."

He crossed the street, cursing. He didn't need this. But still, he couldn't silence the thoughts that tormented him, or erase the pictures that continued to show before his eyes.

They are sitting in front of a bonfire in the palace. Not saying anything, just smiling.

"Would you know my name

if I saw you in heaven?"

Let go of this!

Standing in the twilight arms wrapped around each other. They won't leave the place and seek cover inside until the night has completely fallen. They won't miss the light or the warmth. They're together, and the ice of Hoth cannot move them.

"Would it be the same

if I saw you in heaven?"

Enough! With a furious scowl Vader stopped. Standing completely still he summons the dark side. Let his anger fill him. Obi-Wan. This was his fault. He separated them. He let her die. Slowly, his control returned. 

The pictures threatened to overcome him, but this time he put them away. Breathing slowly he once again became one with the darkness. 

With a satisfied smiled, he turned and went back to his castle. He was Darth Vader, Dark Lord of the Sith. He didn't know any pain. 

He didn't know any grief.

He didn't know any love.

"I must be strong, and carry on

because I know I don't belong here in heaven."


End file.
